I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
