oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
