This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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