Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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