you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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