You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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