dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She said her name was "party"
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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