She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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