I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
