Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
