so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
