i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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