I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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