Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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