I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
