I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
