he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
