i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Pants are for mortals
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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