fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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