why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
