It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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