White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You made out with two different species that night
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
