Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
