So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You ruined the universe
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
