i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
