My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
