okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
