Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
