Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
