Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
