So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
