you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize