Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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