No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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