at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
