I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you had me at cake vodka
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
