i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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