Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Randomize
