i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Be still, my beating vagina.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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