remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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