we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
