dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
