wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
