You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
