I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
