I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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