I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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