don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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