good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
