just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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