Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
