Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
