i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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