Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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